This got me thinking….
Holidays have always been a stressful time for me. But thankfully, I don’t have colitis. It began with an alcoholic father who looked forward to days off so that he could drink in peace. And the mother reacted as spouses of alcoholics typically do. And having the work of the holiday fall all on her, she was stressed and not pleasant to be around. It continued, as in my late teens and early 20’s, and early 30’s, I had no spare change for presents. While working at the law firm, I’d take my lunch hour and walk from 17th St., down Chesnut to Woolworth’s 5&10, across from Wanamaker’s, and I’d spend my lunch money on one or two stocking stuffers for my first born. Skipping lunch back then was no big deal for me. As the second child came along, and as the husband refused to work for $, he used the credit cards for splendid gifts for all, I was left with the payments to deal with after the holidays. Those payments never satisfied the debt, so to the bank for a home equity loan it was. Multiple times. Eventually, this practice just about bankrupted me… lost the houses and emptied all the bank funds. The sister’s house had 3 kids, and presents wrapped and piled on top of each other from floor to ceiling. Literally. They lost their house too.
Once I could no longer afford to live in my house, and the husband who bankrupted me absconded as he always promised he would when the last child turned 18, I gave up my addiction to trying to make the holidays happy, and to give and receive gifts. Except children under 18, and then, only one gift of something truly needed. I realized that virtually no one could recall what I had gifted them the prior year. Everyone really had all the material stuff they needed, so the gift giving was an obligation endorsed by the marketers and manufactured anticipation by the children who counted who got how many gifts from “x” or from “y” and then fought over it. I quit the obsession with putting up a tree and decorations. The most I’d go in was to cook a better than average meal…. And to be thankful I could afford the purchase of the food.
The only holiday stress I encounter these days is that of people questioning where my decorations are. I feel much better now.
